The beginning of September means Labor Day which means the "unofficial end" of summer (also, I wore white shorts today...fashion faux pas or ok since I don't give a shit because I live in Charleston and its constantly 87546385969743382048 degrees here?). The "unofficial end" of summer also means the "unofficial start" of fall (how's that for some deductive reasoning?). And apparently the unofficial start of fall marks the beginning of the most horrifying season in television advertising....previews for Halloween horror movies.
There aren't a lot of things I hate in life, but horror movies ranks pretty high on the list of things that I actually do hate in life; right after ranch dressing and the sound that alarm clocks make.
The truth of the matter is that I hate to be scared. And an added truth is that I scare easily. I kind of like to blame it on my older cousin, Regina. When I was maybe 4, we were visiting my aunt and cousins in the country that is upstate New York. My dad and uncle went to go see whatever Dracula movie was out in theaters when my cousin asked me if I knew what Dracula was and proceeded to terrify me to my core with her 7 year old understanding of what vampires were and if they can in fact descend off of movie screens in an attempt to make my father the newest member of the undead.
Often irrational, but ever relevant, this deep seated fear has played a prevalent role in my life. Not only do I refuse to invest anything (time or money) in pursuit of something designed to scare me (and as a result take away from my precious sleep schedule) but I'm willing to give up general social acceptance in pursuit of nightmare free nights. Because of this I spent high school Halloween parties in the kitchen while The Exorcist played in the next room.
Which is a reason why I kind of hate the month of September...every scary movie of the year debuts in the month of October meaning that they all play their previews throughout the month of September. Which means I spend the month of September covering my eyes during half of the commercials on TV. And my ears. Or else I dive for the remote and change the channel ASAP.
As a result, my entire attention is focused on avoiding the scary commercials, which diverts my full attention from Primetime television, which I'm really not ok.